Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Life Is Bleak, Busy But Beautiful

Life is BLEAK...

Last week or so - whilst most everyone else was merrily celebrating Christmas, counting down to New Year, holidaying away in foreign lands, and planning on 2019 resolutions - I was mired in misery.

Rio was fun, but reality hit me hard when I returned home.

Every day has been a struggle. Fires breaking out left and right. Social calls at the worst possible moments.

My body was breaking down, but my heart beat even faster. Tired as f**k, but can't sleep well. Glimmers of hope from sympathetic people, but even they can't pull me out of the deep, dark hole I've fallen into.

It felt like the whole universe was conspiring to throw my life off-course and tear my soul apart - and maybe it was.

How I celebrated Christmas and New Year

* * *

Life is BUSY...

Still, I had to keep moving. The world still turns. The sun still rises every morning. There's still a job to be done.

I can't just quit halfway. I've taken on a mission. People rely on me.

Yes, some people disappoint me. Some still can't seem to understand the circles I have to run around, the boxes I have to tick, the sacrifices I have to make. Some still give me a lot of shit when the very least they could do is just piss off.

But people are people. They, too, have jobs to do, interests to pursue, egos to protect. They, too, have strong feelings on how the world should run.

Whatever. I'm struggling to juggle my own balls in the air, what more other people's balls (usually more sparkly and breakable). Errands to run, issues to resolve. Events fly by fast and furious, and I simply ain't got time to rant, rewind, and reflect.

Stop shooting, people... please?

* * *

Life is beautiful...

Nevertheless, life is still good. Every morning, I still wake up hoping that today will be better than yesterday. Every night, I still lie in bed knowing that tomorrow will be better than today - and if not tomorrow, then maybe the day after, or next week...

And despite all the crap I take from wannabe impostors and arm-chair critics, I'm still surrounded by people who genuinely care about me, by and large. And to those who let me down, I still feel we can get along better in time, and perhaps I've not done enough to keep them up as well...

And above all, there are fights still worth fighting for, stars still worth shooting for, dreams still worth dying for...

And ultimately, life is as good as it gets. Life can get always get better, but until that happens, life is always worth living for. Always. Always...

For no matter how bleak and busy it is, life is always beautiful...

Now you see me, now you...


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