Saturday, November 11, 2017

33 Types Of Girls I Wouldn't Date

People often ask me "what's my type?"

It's a question that often leaves me speechless and dumbfounded.

Hard to believe as it is, I don't have a "type". I'm fine with most type of girls. I'm quite open. I don't have a checklist.

That said, what I am quite certain of is the type of girls I wouldn't want to date - not even if she's the last chick on the planet and humanity depends on our offspring. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not abdicating my duty here. I'll simply release my precious bodily fluids into a flask, and inseminate them into the target womb with the assistance of advanced medical gadgets - and avoid all physical contact whatsoever.)

Pretty in pink - so not my type...
33 Ways How NOT To Win My Heart

Alright, ready? Here we go! 

I won't date a girl who...

(1) is needy

(2) spends more than a hour shopping for lip-gloss

(3) spends more than 15 minutes deciding whether to eat for dinner on a week-night (especially after a long day at work, with more work to be done later in the night)

(4) spends more than 15 minutes getting into my car if I arrive on the agreed time of arrival

(5) ask me more than once on how I'm feeling when I already answered very clearly the first time "I'm fine, how about you?" (okay, fine, more than twice - if we have a complicated relationship and there's more tension than usual)

(6) ask me how would I like to celebrate my birthday when I clearly stated I don't want to celebrate my birthday

(7) can't tell the difference between "love" and "marriage"

(8) can't tell the difference between "Not now" and "Okay, let's talk"

(9) can't tell the difference between an immigrant and a refugee

(10) hasn't watched Star Wars

(11) hasn't stayed in a hotel with 3 stars or less on a holiday

(11) thinks Coldplay is a rock band

(12) thinks democracy is the solution to every problem

(13) acts like my Mom

(14) acts like Taylor Swift

(15) behaves differently in front of my friends

(16) behaves differently in front of her friends

(17) can't drive or take public transport

(18) can't eat alone in a restaurant

(19) can't go outdoors without wearing makeup

(20) looks significantly different in photos than in real life
(21) never offers to pick the tab

(22) loves diamond rings

(23) takes photos of every single meal they eat outside

(24) plays Monopoly or charades as if it's there's a world championship crown on the line

(25) accept invites to functions they would moan about for weeks of having to go

(26) reads romance novels

(27) believes men and women are equal in every single aspect of life

(28) believes that real men should be able to change tires, change diapers, cook a four-course meal, write poetry, cry at sad movies, brood like an emo New Age vampire, and so on...

(29) measures the love of a man by the amount of "I love you" and gifts he showers her

(30) measures her worth to a man by how many compromises and changes he's willing to make to be with her

(31) reads too much in the things I say

(32) reads too much in the things I've left unsaid

(33) treats this list as a comprehensive and conclusive guide to understanding what type of girls I'm into and I'm not

Wonder woman - okay, good enough for me...
You're Not The One

Do I always stick to the list? Of course not.

Love is a drug. Love plays buggers with our mind. Love hurts.

I've dated girls who tick one or more of those boxes, on more occasions than I can count. Feels oh so good, at the start. Then reality hits, and crash boom bang! It's through much pain and suffering, trial and error, that I've managed to compile this list. Experience is a ruthless but effective teacher.

I've nothing personal against such girls, mind you. It's their character to be. It's their affairs to keep. It's their life to lead.

I'm sure there are tons of guys waiting in line to shower them with flowers. Good for them. As long as they know exactly what they're buying into.

So all you lovely ladies out there, if you tick any of those boxes, look the other way. Don't bother trying. Save your time.

I'm not the man you're looking for.

And you're not the one for me.

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