Saturday, April 1, 2017

I'm Going Back To School (And Into Space)

Yes, the rumours - all of it - are true.

I'm going back to school.

The plan is to retake all my Science courses and sit through the exams. And I'll keep repeating my subjects, until I score enough A's to win a scholarship to study Physics and Aerospace Engineering in the US (preferably MIT, because they sound cool, like MIB).

Why now? You see, after years of giving my all to law, I've finally accepted the cold hard truth. That lawyers work for the bad guysThat lawyers take joy in letting guilty criminals go free. That lawyers only observe the 'everyone-deserves-a-fair-trial' rule when it serves their purpose i.e. fill their pockets.

Yes, I've finally seen the light. And I choose to walk away from the darkness.

Run! Run! It's a lawyer!

Why Science?

It's the only way I can achieve my childhood dream of being an astronaut.

Out in space, the possibilities are endless.

Brave new worlds! Battle space aliens! Build peaceful empires!

All for the greater good, of course. The goal is to spread freedom and democracy across the galaxy. (But first, kill all the lawyers, of course.)

Best thing is, I can re-use my black and white wardrobe

Okay, let's not get ahead of myself.

School is not walk in the park - especially Physics. I mean, I used to ace it with flying colours (my struggle was with Biology - damn yeasts and haemoglobins!). But much has changed since I last studied it. String theory, quantum mechanics, black holes not being so black after all, black holes not being a hole but a ball, black holes within black holes...

Amazing stuff, space. So empty, yet so enigmatic.

I finally read Stephen Hawkings' A Brief History Of Time early this year. The next few days, I stayed awake in bed, and couldn't sleep a wink.

Everyone should read the book.

And watch movies like Interstellar.

Yes, this is a black hole, 'cause Hollywood says so

But don't watch Theory Of Everything.

Just don't. Please don't waste your time.

It's meant to be a bio-pic of Prof Hawkings, but told from the perspective of his long-suffering ex-wife. 

So it's really a sappy movie about love, rather than science. What a deceiving title, what a scam. It's fine if the producers want to tell his story from a romance-drama perspective - but if so, call it "Theory of Love", "Black Hole Can Swallow Light But Not Our Love" or something (contrast with more responsible-sounding titles like Shakespeare In Love and A Beautiful Mind)

And incidentally, the movie rocket-launched the career of the talented Felicity Jones, who went on to star in Rogue One ... to my utmost annoyance.

Look, Ripley and Leia have been kicking alien butt since the 80s, we don't need to squeeze feminism into every sci-fi action movie.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Hunger Games In Space

Anyway, back to space.

I once had a telescope as a kid. But I couldn't see any stars. Damn clouds always getting in the way. That's the problem being in the tropics. The weather sucks. It's no place for an astronaut to grow.

We once sent an astronaut into space. He was a doctor.

A doctor - a guy who aced Biology.

A doctor - not a guy who has mastered string theory, quantum mechanics and black holes.

That's Malaysia for you.

Next, they'll be sending a lawyer into space. In a sense, it's a good idea. There are too many lawyers around. Send them to populate Mars or something. Saves us the trouble from executing Order 66 (if you know what I mean *wink wink*)

Enough about Malaysia. I need to get outta this hive of scum and villainy - and pronto.

Quick, before the Hududtroopers catch us!

I am really super excited about going back to school! The prophecy beckons. Destiny awaits. The Force awakens.

I know I'm being dramatic here, but that's how much this means to me. It's a big step. It's a fresh start. It's a great leap.

Wish me well, my dear friends, for embarking this wondrous new adventure.

I can see the stars twinkling, beckoning me upward and onward.

One day, I'll be an astronaut.

And when that day comes, I'll dump away all my law books into space, along with all the other space junk. Let them be sucked into a nearby black hole - right where they belong.

School, here I come! Space, catch you later!
* * *

And to all you fellow star-gazers and wandering nomads out there, I wish you all:


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