Friday, April 11, 2014

Why White Dudes Dating Chinese Chicks Make Me Sick

I can't help it. Whenever I see a white dude linking hands with a Chinese chick, I feel sick. Envy gnaws through my heart, tearing it asunder. My mind screams "Why, God, why?"

Take a look around you. Marriage between Caucasian men and Oriental women are commonplace, all over the world. But how often do you see a Chinese dude getting lucky with a white chick? Hardly ever. Even the ones born and bred in the West don't fare much better, and are easily upstaged by their peers of African or Hispanic descent.

It's not easy being a Chinese guy. Our pool is depleted from home-grown fishes, and the fishes elsewhere aren't biting our bait. There's clearly something wrong about us, something that we lack, in the eyes of the ladies. There are a couple damning stereotypical perceptions about us. But how far true are they? And if true, what should we do about them?

1. Are We Not Man Enough?

Small frame, small eyes, small all over. We're born this way. Chinese chicks can get away with it, because there's always a huge market for petite chicks. Whereas guys are meant to be big, strong and protective - so unless one is built like Bruce Lee, no girl will madly melt into your arms.

There's some biological factor in play, I'm sure. A woman, driven by her maternal instincts, wants a good mate with good genes to obtain good offsprings. Rightly or wrongly, the perception is that male perfection is epitomised by Norse gods or Greek warriors.

So how can we remedy such natural defects? Double eyelid surgery? Hair dye? Protein shakes? Works for some, but no thank you. I'll stay the way I am, and prove Master Yoda right in saying "Size matter not".

"Spartaaaaa!!!" is super sexy; "Chinaaaaa!!!" not quite.

2. Are We That Cheap?

Calculating and calculative - such are useful skills to improve one's business acumen, but less desirable when it comes to courtship. Ladies want to be spoilt by expensive gifts. There's no short of excuse or occasion to buy gifts - birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversary, make-up-after-fight, break up, I- thought-of-you-when-I-was-passing-the-florist. Gifts are a measure of a man's love for a woman.

It's somewhat true that Chinese men are cheap, in the sense that they are more prudent and restrained in gift-buying. To them, a relationship is an investment. And why not? They think towards marriage and family. They don't go for broke in the early passionate years of courtship on diamond rings, and instead prefer to save money for meaningful things, like housing and kid's education. They are determined to let their wives stay home, whilst they be the sole bread-winner.

Any woman who's looking for a serious relationship should aim for a Chinese man. Once they're into you, they in for the long-haul. They spoil their wives for a lifetime.

I consider myself rather generous with gifts and treats. But that's only because I have a loose sense of money and materialism. Instead, time is important to me. So when I sacrifice time for someone, it means I deeply care about that someone.

Even with a suit and tie, they don't look at us. They never do... they never do...

3. Are We Dead Boring?

Computer science, engineering, accountancy - that's the type of fields the Chinese excel in, and take up for a living. Boring jobs for boring minds. A dearth of creativity and spontaneity, however, does not bode well for romance. Chinese men just don't know how to ignite the flames of passion, do they?

Again, fair statement. Culturally, the Chinese tend to be shy, reserved introverts. Whilst they may be quick to throw a fit when annoyed, they are slow to gush out their emotions when love-struck. This can be frustrating for the woman, who expect to be showered with praises of unrivalled beauty and proclamations of undying love.

We're honest and sensible, that way. No false promises, no false expectations. Sorry, we can't pluck the stars from the night sky. Sorry, we can't get sneak into the toilet at the back of the plane and get down and dirty - it's against like, you know, against aviation protocol.

Personally, I don't think I'm a typical, boring Chinaman. Which is even worse, because non-Chinese ladies (and liberal Chinese ladies) assume that I am, and the typical Chinese ladies view my candid charm with deep mistrust. Hence, I end up impressing neither. Life sucks.

Keep Same And Don't Give A Shit

You know what? I really don't give a shit why people perceive Chinese men as lesser males. I really don't need to act out of character to prove anyone wrong, because that would mean it's right for people to stereotype me as a lowly Chinaman. If you can't see pass outmoded stereotypes, then you're not someone I like to be close with, anyway.

I'm born Chinese, look Chinese, may or may not act Chinese. Whatever, honey. That don't mean a thing.

I'm fine just the way I am. I don't give a shit if you think I'm not.

Whether you like or dislike this article, I don't give a shit.


  1. I thought your article was quite interesting, being a Chinese girl that grew up in an Asian country, it's nice to see what it's like for a Chinese guy.

    My first crush was a Chinese boy. A few times after that I would have many more crushes on Chinese boys. I also dated Malays and Indians.

    However, as things turned out I had never really dated many Chinese boys.

    I quickly realised that they did not like me as much as I liked them. I don't know all the reasons as to why this was the case, but I know two things for sure:

    1. I was too 'fat'

    By universal standards I am as petite as Asian is. Size 8 and 1.55m in height. But I was always fuller and chubbier than the stick skinny Asian girls around me. Living in an Asian country, I knew that not a lot of the Chinese guys wanted to date the fat chick. Sure enough, growing up I had been called fat on numerous occasions by them.

    2. I have too much of an opinion

    In my experience of interacting with Chinese boys, they were always more than concerned about not losing face. Whenever I disagreed or called them out to something offensive they may have said, they would rather brush it aside, labelling it as 'oh she's just overreacting', rather than accepting and dealing with the problem.
    To point out, this is a stereotypical problem with men, but I found that a lot more Chinese boys could not or did not want to deal with my opinions.

    At present, I'm afraid that I can only say to have dated about two Chinese guys out of the many others I dated. The Chinese boys I did date, well they were nice, but they were simply not compatible with me. I have many amazing guy friends that are Chinese and I think that any girl would be lucky to have them. As far as I know, none of them have problems with dating women.

    I did eventually find the right partner, and he is exactly as how you have described. He is not 'big' or 'muscular' by conventional standards; he doesn't splurge on me and he's conscious about money; he is also a complete and utter science geek with a PhD in Computer sciences.

    Most of all he gets me and he makes me laugh every day. I have never met anyone else, whether they were Chinese, Caucasian, Black, Hispanic etc., that I could be myself around.

    Oh, and he happens to be white.

    Now, whether you accept or reject my side of the story...? Well if you don't I guess that proves my point about Chinese guys not wanting to lose face and that you may have to have another think about why Chinese girls would rather date other races.

    1. Thanks for the sharing, Nadia.

      Well, I am sure all of us have differences experiences in our lives, a lot depending on luck and timing. But by and large, through the years and our experience, we pick up certain patterns about people from different cultures - some real, some perceived.

      The stereotypes I have listed are the obvious ones, and certainly not exhaustive. The pride of a Chinaman - now that you mention it, I understand completely. Stubborn about personal beliefs, little patience for alternate opinions, expectation that wives should be docile, submissive, and "stay in the kitchen", wanting to stay control. Such cultural traits can be traced back to Confucianism, perhaps. This traditional conservative mind-set is not purely a Chinese thing, of course - there are many other Eastern communities equally like that, if not worse (e.g. Arabic)

      But in today's world, people are freely interacting beyond borders, and breaking out of stereotypes. Which is the ultimate point of my article (which some of my readers may have missed, due to my deliberate attempt to be scathing and subtle) - that it's no longer fair and justified to stereotype people according to their looks and cultural background. There is nothing sexist, either. Men are as quick to stereotype women, as woman stereotype men.

      Good to know you have found the right partner. I haven't, but I'm not as desperate and bitter as I may have sounded in my article above. I'll get there, someday, somehow ;)

    2. Good response sir. We are impressed (y)

      Keep up the writing :)

  2. This is why I was so happy to see Glenn in the walking dead score some with a white chick. lol I feel bad for Asian guys.

  3. The article is almost exactly 3 years old (3 days to go, mature toddlers age ! :-) ...), so sorry to react late, but it's a 'cultural' subject and it's probably not yet outdated in 2035... :-)
    Who is the right match for who ?
    The stereotyping thing is, I believe, universal. Look at large layers of racial sub-populations that exist in some parts of the world, like the larger Carribean area "mulattino" population.(= including part of USA and of South America's coastal regions)
    The "pale Afro carribeans". They are the historical descendants of large scale interactions between white 'masters' and black African slaves. Do not mistake the fact of this large scale genetic mixed race for a period of large scale love between whites and Africans in history, there. Black women were actually giving life to mulatto childern, because they were raped by the white male masters, on a very large scale... (18th-19th century) Rape, not love, with full proof in the offspring.
    Nowadays, this MID-category in the Carribean society is facing ambiguity, in social status and in love matters. They seem to be "much more wanted" by both the black Afro Carribeans, and the whites... It could be called a "man made racial choice problem".
    Most probably, the cultural characterstics are not much (or not at all ?) different between all coulours in the Carribean. The coulours themselves are, however. And, I heared the mullatinos been loaded with a set of different "qualities" which could be all faked, but nevertheless believed. Stereotyping...
    Like, when I return to the article, the Chinese man's core job interest drivers being "IT professionals, engineering, accountants.." THAT as well seems to be a fairy tale stereotyped non reality. When looking around, in a blink of an eye one can see tha the 95+% majority is involved in other jobs... like everywhere on earth.
    The stereotyping on Chinese people in Belgium (my country) was (perhaps still is) : they all COOK ! ??... Whatever the type of interests, studychoice, diploms they had, after moving to Europe (most have been immigrants from Taiwan in the period 1950-1970..) the only viable way to build a living seemed to be 'restaurant'. MOST first day cooks in the Chinese estaurants over here, had NEVER ever before cooked for clients, but many had university diploms, not accepted in Europe in those days. I know of one restaurant in my city (both the people retired over 15 years ago) where both owners in reality were litterature accademics, in origin. They kept the memory, by organising sunday morning Chinese litterature classes, in the restaurant room ! .. :-)
    Lets face it : stereotyping often has historic roots. So, yes, things happened. The problem with stereotyping is, that it's not just the view from the outsider, it's a blind belief with the insider as well, thus provokes "attitudes" and "expectations", while the 90% lot could be faked (yet sustained in a non written handbook of 'how to behave').
    There exist an alienation between all the indiviual personalities, and it's made-up socio-cultural context. I'm not saying that there are no real parts, in any socio-cultural context, I'm just saying that the real part could be a minor, compared to the generally believed overhead !

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